Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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