a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The adults are the big ones right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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