So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
