So drunk, too bad you don't want this
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
