I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
