Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
two words: eviction party
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
