i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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