you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
