headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
