i just google imaged poop.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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