I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
