Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
