a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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