if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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