tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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