i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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