and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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