(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
smell my finger.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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