Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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