Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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