Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
