We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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