I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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