he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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