Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
