My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's blow job season.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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