And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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