don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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