you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
