Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i will never coherently bang her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
