someone threw a dead crab at me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
