I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How external is "for external use only"?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
