The maid of honor just puked.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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