He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
