I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
