I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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