my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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