I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
