Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
