Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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