I swear she didn't look like that last week.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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