so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
