Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
