you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
