Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
