I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
