just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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