I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
