Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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