Pants 0. Shit 1.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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