My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
