At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
