You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't turn off my feet"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
