No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
